Rumor has it that when David Lee Roth was the front man for Van Halen, he would do his damnedest to prevent Eddie from playing all of that poppy crap he kept tapping out on his little Casio at night (under his covers with a flashlight and a cigarette while Valerie tossed and turned and labored under the nightmares of Alex peeking through the window at her and Eddie’s lovemaking…but wait, was it really just a dream?). Obviously a few keyboard items would end up on the records from time to time—and in the case of Jump, ended up as the band’s only number one hit.

I believe the rumors. Granted, I haven’t had the time to do all of the research (I do have some kind of life), but for me, once Sammy Hagar joined the band, the songs took such an incredibly candy turn to pop music that the albums could dissolve in water. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; I know for a fact that many people less inclined to ROCK THEIR ASSES OFF actually prefer the watered-down beer of Van Hagar, and this opened up a lot of people to the virtuosic guitar playing of the toothless wonder.

Decide for yourself. Because I love all of you so and would do nearly anything for you (except Michael Cesari, aka Medium Happiness, the guitarist for the explosively popular band the Shallow Divers—he can kiss my ass with his bizarre and cruel hatred of the victims of theft; see his blog article here) I have included in my article a little jukebox player I have concocted with some songs from both eras. As you listen, please try to note how much freaking better the guitar playing is on the Roth era songs. For more regarding the controversy between the singers themselves, click here.

For more on the Gary Cherone era, please slam your head in a door.

Tags: Alex Van Halen, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Jump, Medium Happiness, Michael Cesari

Michael Cesari, guitarist for the once explosively popular band The Shallow Divers and administrator/writer/editor for the infamous Medium Happiness, has tipped me off to yet another piece of evidence uprooting the long-held rumor concerning the death of rock and roll. I have just found out from the Brooklyn, NY band Cheeseburger that it is greatly exaggerated. (More below…)

I have a lot of respect for any band that trusts their songwriting enough to let it rest upon bare-bones instrumentation, and have it work. The Hives do it, The Hellacopters used to do it (and probably still do from time to time), and Arcade Fire does not. This music grabs me by the throat and completely commands my attention. The more I listen, the more I love it, and the more I love the minimalism of it all. It makes me want to go home and throw all my stupid Ikea furniture out of the window and sleep on some strange floor tonight without a pillow and wake up in the morning with a beer bottle in my back and a hangover like a dwarf turd in my mouth. Like vocalist Joe Bradley says in the no-holds-barred riff-fest Tiger, “Go outside and take a drink out of the gutter, well ain’t it fucking cute?” Indeed. Yes, it seems that good to me. No, I don’t like Arcade Fire. No, I’m not kidding.

At first listen, this music seems to rip along like a bull in a china shop (or shoppe, if you prefer), with little regard to structure or indeed musicianship. But, like the best punk bands, after the hook has dug itself deep into your nose and dragged you along the street for awhile, you notice a definite method to the madness—especially in the vocals; it’s been a long time since I’ve heard such well-intentioned menace all wrapped up in a nice, buzz-saw riff package (fuck you and the horse you road in on, My Chemical Romance). Soon enough you realize that these guys are a lot tighter than anything else you’ve heard in a long time, but were fooled by the effortlessness of it all. It’s what I hoped the Living Things were going to be, but they simply never stuck in my mind. Or my heart, sniff sniff.

If you’re like me, you’re looking for the record these guys must have put out somewhere. Well, you kind find it by visiting their record label, Kemado Records, or you can just CLICK HERE. I just ordered it myself, so I’ll tell you more about it soon.

Oh, hey, thanks for the tip, Michael, and sorry about what I said regarding Arcade Fire. Not that I don’t mean it, I just…well…I guess I’m sorry you like them.

PS—OMG, please don’t confuse these cats with The Cheeseburgers; salt, salt, salt!…cheese indeed.

I have pondered whether or not to open my BRAND SPANKING NEW web log with some kind of grand opening statement, and I have decided against it. I have instead opted to start with a photograph of myself, and let the picture speak a couple of words. Honestly, Michael, at my age, is it worth letting people know too much about myself? I have faith in my appearance; it will speak more highly of me than my actions, I am sure.

Things to look forward to in the future:

• Insight on current events and all the crazy shit scientists keep stumbling over
• My opinions on past, present, and future musical offerings from yesterday’s, today’s, and tomorrow’s brightest musical stars
• A critical eye piercing Hollywood’s (sometimes) shoddy veneer
• A section devoted to the insanely critical palate of Katie Dooley as she and I explore every crevice of New York City’s diverse Mexican dining scene (and maybe some Thai food too; and burgers)
• Many, many rants and ravings against Michael Cesari, guitarist for the explosively popular NYC band the Shallow Divers, and fellow opinion enthusiast; find his work at mediumhappiness.com
• A constant barrage of photographs from me and my intrepid partner in crime Katie Dooley as we explore the city we live in
• Some of the smallest bits of fiction you’ve ever read
• And much, much more!

Hang tight, lovers of baseless criticism and unsupported opinions! More is on the way.