I have said for years that nothing good can come from consuming diet sodas. And although my friends like to smile and nod, while looking at each other out of the corner of their traitorous eyes (what, did you think I didn’t see, you lousy bastards?), and humor me like I’m some kind of freaking mental case, I present to you a list of articles that you should all pay some attention to before it’s too late. There’s still time:

1. Study: Artificial Sweetener Breaks Connection between Sweet Taste, Calories

2. Aspartame Side Effects

3. Artificial Sweeteners May Damage Diet Efforts

4. Is Artificial Sweetener Destroying Your Health?

5. Aspartame (Nutrasweet) Toxicity Information Center

Look, there is tons of this stuff all over the internet, people. You don’t need me to look it up for you. And yes, I know that much of this stuff is contradicted by other reports, and the argument can go on ad-nauseum. However, I think it’s safe to say that we all know of one sweetener that absolutely will NOT cause cancer and other assorted bedlams: SUGAR. Delicious, pure, kissed by God cane sugar, people. From Hawaii. Growing in the sun.