Stumbling across bizarre web sites is one of the most sublime moments one can have while surfing the intertubes, and today, while on my 15 minute lunch break here at Jose el Retardo (which I have been sternly warned against taking on several occasions…dear reader, shhhh), this joy has revisited me. You know how it goes: you see blue words (or red, or green, or whatever), you click, you see, you click, you see, you click—and before you know it, you find yourself on a site like The Diary of a Retired Rear Admiral.

This site tracks the daily observations of one retired Rear Admiral Richard Butler, 94 years of age. The great thing is the memories that seem to be triggered by these observations. I will leave it to you, avid readers, to discover; let me only say that I always assumed (as have we all) that the Navy is a very gay place indeed, and it appears that I am justified in my suspicions. Let me give you a sample of the Admiral’s (alleged) past:

I awoke to two pigeons mating on the faux banister outside the south-facing window of my retirement community condominium. The larger male pigeon had taken the smaller female pigeon from the back and was defecating while making intercourse with her. It was a sight to see. Primitive. Joyous. Carnal.

See for yourself what it leads to. I suggest you all keep your eye on this site. If it becomes viral and ruins this old man’s life, you can tell all your friends you were one of the first to pass it on. Just remember who tipped you off, ass-wipe.