Like everyone else out there, I have a MySpace page that I check on about once every 1 to 5 months. I occasionally get a friend invite, usually from porn websites or call girl services, but other than that, there’s nothing to really DO on MySpace. Not that I’ve found, anyway.

But there are the music pages. And this I find to be MySpace’s strong point. This is why it’s valid. This is the only valuable aspect. And it’s incredibly worrying to think it might be bought by the big label asshole jerkwads.

But until this happens, there are literally thousands of bands to be found on MySpace Music, some that are super famous, the vast majority are complete nobodies, and everything in between. I received a friend request from one of the latter the other day, a band that goes by the clever moniker “ATTACK ON URANUS.” Well, this is perfect, I thought. I’ve wanted to spend more time on MySpace Music so that I could find some horrible musical groups to pummel with my misplaced anger and aggression, and it would appear that these groups may just come to me, instead. How easy!

Much to my chagrin, ATTACK ON URANUS did not hopelessly suck. In fact, they turned out to be a pretty solid thrash punk outfit out of Missouri with a hell of a lot of energy and much to offer to headbangers everywhere. No, they aren’t the next Megadeath or Anthrax, but with member names like Smooth Cock Sailor and Bet Your Balls it’s Neill Smith, can you really go wrong? Hell, I might even accept these cats’ invite to become friends.

But don’t worry, fans of Retardo, I am not giving up my search to find a band to bash.