Jose el Retardo

Not a lot of people realize this, but Norway and the surrounding area is widely considered the birthplace of true black metal, a sub genre of heavy metal which focuses on exploding double bass drums, highly distorted tremolo guitar picking, odd rhythm changes, and chilling vocal screams and growls venerating the many charms of satan. It is a dark music—many would say evil—and while for some it has no more meaning than the artifices of professional wrestling, for others it is a path for life; a call-to-arms against the status quo that has, at times, resulted in violence, and—it must be said—occasionally murder. I won’t go into the whole history, but if you’d like to learn more, you can start by clicking here.

My curiosity about black metal and its origins has more to do with economics. Usually, such extreme cultural views where one is led to have disproportionately negative connections with the rest of society stems from a poor economic background. Basically, struggle breeds strife. But in this case, we see a prime example of global paradox, because as far as I know, Scandinavia is a fairly well-to-do part of the world. Socioeconomically speaking, it’s kind of the earth’s suburb. And for the most part, suburbs tend to produce relatively harmless—if somewhat obnoxious and clueless—citizens. Scandinavia, however, has a rather large sub-culture producing artistic material such as this:

The above video is from a Norwegian band named Gorgoroth (named for an especially nasty neighborhood of Mordor—yes, THAT Mordor). Supposedly, there is no irony embedded in their message, no wink given to audience members in on the joke. These cats are the real deal. They believe in satanism, and chaos, and fire, and blood, and pain, etc, etc. See more about them here. So, if I am correct and the members of this band lived formative years of relative comfort, from whence does the menace bloom?

As you may have guessed, I have a theory. I think that many of the people from this part of the world suffer greatly from seasonal affective disorder, which is basically a form a depression that strikes the hearts of many whenever the air gets cold and the nights get long. And nowhere else on earth do the days get colder and shorter than Scandinavia, parts of which are far enough north to be subject to the infamous polar nights. During these times, northern territories exist without sunlight for as long as three months in a row. Jesus. I’d probably want to kill for satan too, after putting up with that kind of horseshit for decades on end.

I guess I’m thinking about all of this now because I am getting pretty sick and tired of my own region’s winter. It’s been an unusually cold and snowy January here in the NYC area, and I’m sick to death of it. You would think that since I grew up in the miserable Midwest that I would be used to this kind of tawdry treatment from that bitch Mother Nature, but hey man, that was a long time ago. I have become accustomed to better treatment. I’m also feeling frayed by a winter that seems to have brought more illness to the masses than in recent years. Add it up, and I’m finding myself becoming more and more lethargic, more interested in large quantities of dark beer, more apt to jump in my longship , sail down to the nearest village, and burn it to the goddamn ground, pillaging everything in sight and massacring anyone who gets in my way.

I think this little tidbit from Gorgoroth singer Gaahl, one of the most feared and hated men in all of Norway, sums it up best:

For more on the Scandinavian Black Metal scene, I highly suggest watching this interesting video from VBS.tv.

Here’s to the winter ending soon. Before satan swallows us all.